I’m a member of a DID group on Facebook, and often on there I see people discussing or recommending ways to force their alters into things. Tonight they were talking about suppressing your alters so they can’t come out or do anything at all and it genuinely confused me.
I understand that DID is hard, hard work and that having various alters popping up here and there can be inconvenient to say the least, but it still doesn’t explain, to me, why forcing alters into things is ever a good idea.
It hasn’t ever occurred to me to try to force my system into things, but I do know that if I tried that I wouldn’t be alive today. As a system we have all suffered and struggled in one way or another. A major part of the reason we have DID is because our right to be and to make decisions was taken from us. How, then, could I go and take that from them again?
I genuinely believe that the path to a happy and healthy system is compromise and cooperation, and forcing and dictation is the opposite to that.
It also confuses me how they even manage it. If I tried that with my system, they would do what they want anyway. They would also make sure I never saw the light of day again, or they would just make me suffer. As it is, we have persecutors who take pleasure in my discomfort and I know that I actually have it easy from them because of the fact I’m willing to try to compromise. Forcing them into anything would just endanger our life.
Our life isn’t perfect. We are all still struggling to stand, but I would much rather find my feet with a system behind me, who I know have my back, than have what appears to be stability with a system who hates and resents me, because when it all comes crashing down - and it will - picking it all up alone is awful.
Kate blocks us all the time, but she doesn’t really mean to. She just can’t shield her thoughts well, so she has to completely block us from the front so that she can get some privacy. I think it’s compulsive by this point, too, and it doesn’t help that Esther tries to keep us away too because she doesn’t think Kate can handle us right now. But Kate functions pretty well without us. I kind of wonder if she’d be better completely without us because she seems to be a lot happier when we’re not here, healthier, less scared or triggered or unable to function. So maybe forcing alters to do things is mostly bad (because I do think you have to sometimes make alters do things like work, go to school, eat, use the restroom, etc), but blocking people from front can be kind of necessary sometimes if a host just can’t handle things otherwise.
For those of you who have DID and who have significant others, how do you deal with it? Are your alters also romantically involved with your partner? Are there rules and limits for what the alters can/can’t say or do in terms of the relationship or their own (if they have any)?
I’ve always been curious about this, since I know that every system is different. Personally, I am the only one in a relationship with my partner. She accepts and loves the alters, but is not in love with them, nor is she in a romantic relationship with any of them. They can’t have physical relationships in the outer world, because they are in my body and personally, I would feel terrible knowing that my body was with someone other than Kate.
If you don’t mind me asking, what are your situations like? Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable.
Kate is mostly the one who dates other people. She had another girlfriend with DID in the past, and Casey and their persecutor kind of got involved, but most of the time, the rest of us avoid getting involved. We don’t really want to date anyone that she likes because most of us are older or younger than she is or are asexual, like me. Our partners have to accept that we have DID, and they should be polite to us and we’ll be polite in return, but there’s nothing more than that to it. I guess a lot of the Shadow Alters still really like our abuser, though, and they’re kind of holding out for her.
you can’t possibly be allistic. the five-year-old i babysit is allistic and you’re NOTHING like them.
normalityindisguise asked: Where did Angel go? -Jen
Oh, sorry Jen! Angel hasn’t really been coming out much lately. I think it’s because we don’t have a math class anymore, and our science class is almost all labs (I handle group work better than she does). When she next comes out, I’ll tell her that you wanted to talk, okay? Unfortunately, that might be a while.
[Trigger warning: abuse, consequences of it]Being a child abuse survivor is…… not being able to recognize love even when it’s thrown in your face… lacking a coherent sense of self… not knowing what a healthy relationship consists of… being uncomfortable when someone is being genuinely nice because you have no idea how to respond to it… taking the fall for others because you know how to handle pain, but not seeing someone you care about hurt… knowing someone for years but still not be sure whether they actually like you or not… constantly going from hating your abusers to agreeing with them and back… feeling like you don’t belong anywhere except for maybe in the darkness… pushing people away before they can do it to you… feeling worthless… when pain and sorrow are the most reliable friends you’ve ever had… being stuck inside of yourself… wanting to fight but not being sure what to fight for… desperately needing to be loved and hated… being fragile and resilient… holding your tongue… not knowing where you are going, but never forgetting where you’ve been… seeing darkness everywhere and in everyone… being hyper vigilant at all times, even with people you like or when you are on your own… not sharing your thoughts or feelings cause you don’t want to make people sad, you don’t want to be a burden and they wouldn’t understand anyway… feeling alone and empty… a daily struggle against things that people try to tell you are in the past but never truly will be
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This is all accurate.
Friendly reminder that
- your triggers don’t have to be connected to your mental illness/trauma in any way that is understandable to others to be valid
- you have no obligations to explain them to others
- others should not ask you to explain your triggers (possible exception would be if you want them to, for example as a part of therapy, but never as a condition before they’ll support you)
- you have every right to take care of yourself and avoid or confront them in whatever way is best for you
- even if you yourself don’t understand where the trigger(s) come from or how they work
- even if you don’t know what they are or don’t know all of them
- You can always ask us to tag stuff for you and we’ll do it
Anonymous asked: What are the signs of emotional abuse?
Abusive Expectations - Makes impossible demands, requires constant attention, and constantly criticizes.
Aggressing - Name calling, accusing, blames, threatens or gives orders, and often disguised as a judgmental “I know best” or “helping” attitude.
Constant Chaos - Deliberately starts arguments with you or others. May treat you well in front of others, but changes when you’re alone.
Rejecting - Refusing to acknowledge a person’s value, worth or presence. Communicating that he or she is useless or inferior or devaluing his or her thoughts and feelings.
Denying - Denies personal needs (especially when need is greatest) with the intent of causing hurt or as punishment. Uses silent treatment as punishment. Denies certain events happened or things that were said. Denies your perceptions, memory and sanity by disallowing any viewpoints other than their own which causes self-doubt, confusion, and loss of self-esteem.
Degrading - Any behavior that diminishes the identity, worth or dignity of the person such as: name-calling, mocking, teasing, insulting, ridiculing,
Emotional Blackmail - Uses guilt, compassion, or fear to get what he or she wants.
Terrorizing - Inducing intense fear or terror in a person, by threats or coercion.
Invalidation - Attempts to distort your perception of the world by refusing to acknowledge your personal reality. Says that your emotions and perceptions aren’t real and shouldn’t be trusted.
Isolating - Reducing or restricting freedom and normal contact with others.
Corrupting - Convincing a person to accept and engage in illegal activities.
Exploiting - Using a person for advantage or profit.
Minimizing - A less extreme form of denial that trivializes something you’ve expressed as unimportant or inconsequential.
Unpredictable Responses - Gets angry and upset in a situation that would normally not warrant a response. You walk around on eggshells to avoid any unnecessary drama over innocent comments you make. Drastic mood swings and outbursts.
Gaslighting -A form of psychological abuse involving the manipulation of situations or events that cause a person to be confused or to doubt his perceptions and memories. Gaslighting causes victims to constantly second-guess themselves and wonder if they’re losing their minds.
So many people have been talking about this lately, including me on my main account, and you know what? It’s about time that everyone stops tiptoeing around the issue. DID comes with far more problems than just co-morbid disorders and system infighting, and I see no reason not to acknowledge that.
Under a Read More because, for obvious reasons, it can be upsetting and triggering. Triggers won’t be individually labelled, but more extreme items are further down.
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